It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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