How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
