Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
