Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
