I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
