woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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