ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
