Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
