I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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