There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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