she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
