I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
