wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She's the barista slut.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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