just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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