My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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