Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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