Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
