Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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