Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
