Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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