You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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