Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
