I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
