I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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