I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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