I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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