I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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