I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
