took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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