Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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