There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
