How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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