You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
