I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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