Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
