Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
