So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
