The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the day after is always just damage control
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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