She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
