What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
