Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
