I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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