dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
