Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
