she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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