somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
