now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
