you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
