I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
