My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
