Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
