i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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