He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
