why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
