Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
