friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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